He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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