I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
