I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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