Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
