there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You took a bar mat shot.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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