Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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