the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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