john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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