Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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