How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
