i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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