He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
