im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
