I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
