We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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