i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
