what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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