i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize