it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
do nipples grow back?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
