she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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