I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
