The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
