Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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