i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
