Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
