All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
