It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
