my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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