So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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