So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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