I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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