i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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