I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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