I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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