Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
