similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
