Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
