my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I could fuck to npr.
When are your genitals available?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
