When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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