peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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