I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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