no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
