you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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