I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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