Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drake has all the answers
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize