I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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