The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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