It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
