He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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