did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
look no pants
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
