the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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