Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
