I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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