So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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