I want to make a zoo with you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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