a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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