would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
