we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
