If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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