my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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