I want to stick my p in your. b.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
