So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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