ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
