He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i've created a new STD.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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